Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) – coping with relationships in a BPD rage fit
“Walking on eggshells” is a common phrase people use to describe what it’s like being around a loved one with BPD. Their emotions undergo rapid changes that they have difficulty controlling, and an innocuous comment can sometimes spark an angry outburst People with BPD often harbor an intense fear of being abandoned by the ones they love, suffer from chronic feelings of emptiness, engage in suicidal behavior or threats, and have difficulty controlling anger. ... “Some borderlines feel that they will literally explode if they cannot in some way discharge this agitation.”. https://www.borderlinepersonalitydisorder.org
How BPD can make someone want to harm their relationship specially when its a ‘meant to spend the rest of my life relationship’ or someone you are so in love with and said ‘this is the one’. We discuss a situation when there is an argument with your significant other and the ability to resolve is clouded by the rage or anger in you and the mind is not rationalizing. Someone without BPD may be able to sit down and talk things out but what if there are abandonment issues and you think if I leave the relationship the other person can’t hurt me. In the moment of rage usually one would just leave and walk out of their relationship thus self-sabotaging their relationship. This happens many a times but when the rage subsides and your old self returns you feel ashamed, confused and upset with yourself.
Amidst these ‘fight or flight’ episodes, if one could just try to say ‘why am I feeling this way’ or ‘I don’t know what’s wrong’, could completely change the situation in a significant way. Communication between people can be very challenging, difficult and distorted when one is in a BPD fit of fury. Just learning and understanding that not everyone wants to hurt you can be a big step towards making your relationship healthy. Recognize and nurture your safe place and learn to enjoy the time with your loved ones. This could be just a small correction in cognition which could lead to a more positive behavior and hence healthier relationships.